Coldplay - Fix You
What can I say? I really, really hate Coldplay and this abomination of a song - probably the most straightforward piece ever on here.
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.
So this is Coldplay and their epic super massive hit Fix You. The video for this was filmed (if the choice of stadia is to be believed) in Bolton; perhaps a subtle everyman statement there by picking a normal working class town as opposed to, say, Barcelona or Paris. Chris Martin is attempting to communicate to the universe in his lyrics, creating a product which can be consumed by the ever-craving masses.
In order to do this he throws in a number of tired clichés, each of which can literally be found in a plethora of different Hollywood factory produced romantic comedies. If you had to place a ban on clichés in Coldplay songs (and from Coldplay themselves) however one suspects you'd be left with very little indeed - the occasional melody perhaps.
Not to pick on Coldplay in particular for many modern day artistes are guilty of this, but Coldplay do epitomise the idea that songs should "apply" to people. For instance the way people go "OH MY GOD I'M A GIRL AND I KISSED A GIRL THIS SONG IS ABOUT ME!" and, well, this is not A Good Thing. This is a band with a list of rules (one literally tantamount to "We must be really good") for Vladimir's sake, how much more contrived and manufactured can anyone or anything get?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Chris Martin is a doctor! This is an absolutely massive development, as it means that I've been calling him by the wrong title through the song. Dr. Martin (or, for the purpose of this exercise, Doc Martin) will fix the subject by, er, setting them alight. I'm not quite sure as to how this will fix the subject in question as I was not aware of fire being a cure for any particular disease; this could well be because I am in no way, shape or form a member or trainee of the medical profession but then again at the same time I have never really been aware of any burning going on at hospitals (I would make a crematorium joke but there's no such thing).
In fact looking at hard evidence I would go on to suggest that Doc Martin is actually a sadist who seeks to burn down hospitals and make the sick sicker. He believes that the only way to cure people is to send them on to the next life in a cruel and gruesome way. This is of course all speculation (hello Mr. Martin's lawyers) but in all sincerity these are preposterous lyrics.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
It would appear that the clichéd subject is doing that most clichéd of things; they are crying. And we, being the consuming public who want new things now, lap this most thoughtless bilge up. As lyrics they have clearly been contrived to become Facebook statii and MSN names and MySpace by-lines and all that and, well, if you take them as read, er, you don't really learn an awful lot about whatever it is the Doc is trying to tell us.
You'll cry when you lose something you can't replace (which is harsh as surely the only thing you can't replace in this modern day capitalist and consumerist society is, well, a life or a limb - and with scientific developments the latter may soon be out of that category).
Could, Doc, what be worse? This could well be the vaguest song ever committed to tape (or indeed paper).
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
"Just what you worth"
WARNING: The below content is what is known as a tangent and is actually semi-serious. Read with caution.
I don't think Coldplay actually write songs you know.
I really, really don't. The other day I was asked why I hated Coldplay in front of around a dozen people and at that point in time I didn't have the answers; I was tired, I was bored and, well, I had a game of friendly afternoon game of snooker to psyche myself up for. However I think this song proves why.
Coldplay don't deal in the art of craft or creativity, instead they deal in the art of ripping off other artistes and creating lyrics which are just taken out of books of clichés. Coldplay are the rubbish and clichéd football commentator - the Clive Tyldesley if you will - of the popular music industry. Yes it's a formula that sells records, fills stadia and guarantees' the sort of "fan" who thinks that Snow Patrol are "edgy" but at what cost?
Some bands over the years have managed to sound fairly mundane and mediocre (Oasis, for example) yet were so brash and different to what else was around the popular music "scene" at the time that they inspired kids to pick up their instruments and see what they could achieve. With Oasis as a prime example this may not necessarily be a good thing (hello The Enemy), but at least they could inspire someone - the very thing Coldplay can never dream of achieving.
Next week I'll do Flo Rida or something fun like that, promise.
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