Coolio - Gangstas Paradise
It seems appropriate that with him being in the news and on the airwaves at the moment (Celebrity Big Brother - oh how the mighty have fallen. He probably didn't even know who Ulrikakaka was) to do this epic hip-hop crossover number. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of, er, coolio...
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I take a look at my life and realize theres not much left Cuz Ive been blastin and laughin so long That even my mama thinks that my mind is gone But I aint never crossed a man that didnt deserve it He be treated like a punk, you know that son heard up
Okay. Well first things first; I'm not going to lie to you, Grammatically there are a few issues with this song. It's like reading the love poems of a pre-school child, albeit a pre-school child with a concept of life and death in the 'hood. Nevertheless I do appreciate that this song did enjoy significant chart recognition and, well, it still gets played on Radio 2 today (that bastion of youthful hip pop culture) and as such the lyrics deserve a tad of respect. The beat and catchy chorus may have had more to do with its success than the actual quality and wordsmanship of the lyrics but as ever, I digress.
Coolio is taking a walk through a happy and at the same time bleak valley, probably somewhere in the north of Wales where valleys are happy yet downright depressing at the same time. He is feeling a bit down and negative because he has realised that there is little left for him in his life; it's all a bit "boo-hoo". This is because quite simply he has been laughing and wasting his time doing very little for far too long, and he realises that now - more than ever or indeed never - he needs to get up and sort his life out.
And I believe the first step he can take towards sorting his life out is to go and sort out his fashion sense. A man dressed in a respectable manner feels more respectable, and this is because people will treat you in a more respectable manner if you act and look like you are respectable. If you shoot people and laugh at them people will quite rightly think that you are not acting in a respectable manner - if anything, they will believe that you are behaving in an unacceptable manner.
You better watch how you talkin and where you walkin Or you and your homiez might be lined in chalk I really hate to trip, but I gotta, Loc As they cope, I see myself in the pistol smoke, fool Im the kinda G the little homiez wannabe like On my knees in the night Saying prayers in the street light
Nevertheless Coolio decides not necessarily to desist from this lifestyle; he does admit that some "punks" did indeed to be shot repeatedly until they were dead, although as is often the case with these young upstart rappers he does not give a detailed account as to why - in fact he gives no sort of account whatsoever. He just says that the subject should really watch out or they too might end up on the ground with naught but a chalk outline surrounding them; hardly the sort of ending that I would want to what would presumably be a grim life if I were the subject of a song called "Gangstas paradise".
He seems to be remorseful about this unhealthy attitude of his yet at the same time can't help but revel in it. What an odd man.
We've been spending most our lives living in the Gangstas Paradise
Well this speaks for itself really. Coolio has been spending most of his time in an abode that he can only describe as a "gangstas" paradise. I'm sure this means that there'll be lots of drugs and guns and "hip hop" - basically life as it is portrayed in GTA San Andreas.
They got the situation They got me facin I cant live with no more rights I was raised by the stripes So I gotta be down with the hood team Too much television watchin got me chasin dreams Im an educated fool with money on my mind Got my 10 in my hand and the green in my eye
I'll be honest here I'm a bit lost. Who is this mythical they? The Man? The Establishment? The Governing Body? The Local Parish? The The? Rolf Harris? James May? The Bugatti Veyron? Whoever this mythical other is, they have Coolio facing, er, something. It's a bit more stutter rap than it is hip hop at the moment but we'll gloss over that for now.
I can't live with rights - in other words Coolio is objecting to the (fair) ideals set out in the European Convention on Human Rights. And indeed as opposed to democratic ideals he was raised by the stripes (I can only presume he means The White Stripes here), a band which promotes confused sexuality and potential incest. No wonder Coolio is somewhat messed up - he is clearly inbred (disclaimer: he probably isn't. If he is it isn't a laughing matter. If he isn't it isn't. It's a serious issue and one that needs to be addressed). In another bizarre tangent he is talking about being involved with a "hood team".
It would appear that Coolio is involved with the local cricket-team - most probably taking up the role of wicket-keeper as he is clearly a safe pair of hands with a string of complex emotional and socio-economical problems; the ideal candidate for an eccentric wicket-keep. Coolio also watches too much TV; this obsession with the box and all things cricket can only be having a negative impact on his studies, and it shows with his choice of grammar in this piece.
Im a loced-out gangsta set-trippin banger And my homiez is, so dont arouse my anger, fool Death aint nuthin but a heartbeat away Im livin life doin time, what can I say? Im 23, now how will I live to see 24 The way things is goin, I dunno
Before we begin analysing this passage there are some elements of the above that we need to consider through the means of competition time. If you can give me a succinct definition of "loced-out gangsta" by any means necessary then I will give you the magnificent prize of our eternal gratitude (it's that sort of joint round here sadly; credit crunch and that). Anyway it would appear that Coolio is a BLANK man get on tripping people over, banging on the doors and running away and generally doing gangsta things like that (isn't that what bored youths did in the 1970's? the knocking and running I mean, not the tripping over; that's the bored youths of today).
It would appear as though this rap serves as a memoir for the allegedly young Coolio; he is at the tender age of 23 yet he doubts whether he'll last a few heartbeats more (clearly he does and did because this was written a bit of a while ago and, well, we can all see him alive and well in the CBB house. See if I was a failing celebrity I'd pay a stunt double to go in there; maximum exposure, minimum effort. I suppose that's what Paris Hilton was trying to do with Chantelle (remember her?) or whatever she was called).
This talk of death is just silly really, and you'd have thought Coolio would have a more optimistic outlook on life - it's a cracker of a name to start with, and he's a multi-record-selling-superstar. What's not to like eh?
Tell me why are we so blind to see That the ones we hurt are you and me
Oh Coolio. You have been hurt. That much is true, now I can see that you've been truly hurt.
...by, er, yourself. Development!!!
Power and the money, money and the power Minute after minute, hour after hour Everybodys runnin, but half of them aint lookin At whats goin on in the kitchen But I dont know whats kickin They say I gotta learn, but nobodys here to teach me If they cant understand it, how can they reach me? I guess they can't I guess they won't I guess they fron't Thats why I know my life is outta luck, fool
NOW we're talking. Coolio appears to be talking the language of this particular author (namely Business and within that faction the facets of money and power and the wealth attributed with both).
Regardless of this, er, inane and separate statement it appears as though a domestic is breaking out in the kitchen - half of the people in the local area seem to be looking at the disturbance, and half seem to be perfectly content with whatever other activities are keeping them amused, and have no real need to engage with whatever is going on in the food preparation area. Then there's some dirge about nobody teaching (a comment on the education system) and then he makes some utterly bizarre and irrelevant comment about how all of this stuff means he's out of luck. Fool. In what will hopefully be a one off feature I have decided to educate you, the reader and hopefully Coolio, the writer, on why this song is flawd.
Five things that are wrong with this song.
Number One: Keep to the point. No-one likes a song which goes off in tangents, no matter how honourable the intentions; find a theme and STICK WITH IT. If you want to sing about a crippling lack of teachers, sing about a crippling lack of teachers. Don't try and fit it in to a brew of problems.
Number Two: Grammar, Grammar, Grammar. I don't need to elaborate any further there.
Number Three: Where's the namedropping? All of the cool and, dare I say Hip gangsta figures out there are forever mentioning their friends. Unless of course Coolio doesn't have any friends, which would be most unfortunate indeed.
Number Four: Did I mention the Grammar?
Number Five: By not writing in a flowing manner and not making his stance clear, and by only glossing briefly over the arguments at hand Coolio only highlights the inept flaws in the argument and simultaneously fails to keep the attention of his audience. That is why he is in the Celebrity Big Brother house right now and not in the charts.
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